I’m going waste time right now cause I want to and can though I know its not good for me by writing this blog post.

I had an interesting conversation with my brother about the businesses/lives we’re currently leading.

I’m a wimp.  This morning I was at least and was very uncomfortable about it.  I didn’t realize I was being one until I was talking to my brother about it hours later.  What I’m referring to specifically is that I was learning some things about how to get inside my customer’s head and the wimp/victim inside of me was saying, “I’ve never been a great salesman.  I’m not sure this stuff will work for me.  I’m not going to be successful in business.”

How lame is that!?!?

As with all addicts, I consider myself to being addicted to being an employee and being small and not successful in business and to those previous thoughts I had, one of the first very crucial steps is to recognize you have a problem number one.  Number two that it is a big problem.  And number three that I’m the only one who can deal it and me alone.

Lucky for me I have conversations with my brother and wife and dad and others that help me see this stuff that I’m doing/saying to myself and can help me change it before it does more damage that it already has.

I know this is going to be a very uncomfortable thing to admit again and again in the future that I’m a wimp in business and need to replace it my inner herculean beast, but I already know what the alternative is if I don’t, i.e. being crapped on as an employee and with no equity to make the getting crapped on portion bearable, and that is not acceptable to me and I won’t stand for it.

That was a big part of my brother and I’s conversation, i.e. making excuses for not being successful in business.  He’s got a girlfriend.  I’ve got a kid on the way.  He’s working out (tired) and so do I and so we don’t want to expend even more energy on things we know we need to do.  I’ve already cut out having a tv.  He’s doing bomb.com things with his health and personal introspective life.  I could keep on going, but the point is we’re always going to have many easily available and seemingly legit excuses (lies) we’ll be able to tell ourselves for why we’re not successful.  I have another kid.  He gets married.  Interest rates are too low.  Interest rates are too high.

I don’t want to admit that even blowing just 3-4 hours on weekend playing my mom’s ipad mini is an issue even though I hardly ever play video games.  I don’t even have my own financial freedom yet via cash flowing assets or a hoarded pile of money that even with the most extravagant amount of spending would not be dented.  Why don’t I?  Cause I don’t want to be accountable for the time I’m spending on that stuff and do things I know are better.  I also don’t want to admit that I’m vastly exaggerating the amount of down time I really need when I do stuff like that and simultaneously want to be successful in business.

One thing I’ve had rumblings of is that I don’t want to be constantly checking out doom and gloom stuff as far as finance goes.  I know its going to come crashing down.  I don’t need to know the minutiae though of how rising interest rates exposed the London Whale fiasco and subsequent speculation about what fiasco is being hidden by the even bigger interest rate rise we’ve seen since.  That is one self truth telling thing I’ve had rolling around that I haven’t vocalized till today.

Instead what I’d really like is to be analyzing my own businesses growth and financial numbers.  So there I go.  I’m going to stop checking out finance stuff all the time.  I need to detox from it.  What I’m going to do is only run a custom macro I have saved in my excel to find out what I really need to for my investments and that will be it.  I’m going to do this detox for a month and see how life is.