Rescuing

            I have a new coworker.  Seems like a pretty stand up guy and is good at his job.  Yesterday he was telling us that he had to go to court to try and win custody of his fiancee’s 3 year old daughter from her ex.  They won custody and were able to take her home that night.  Apparently the judge even asked this little girl who she wanted to be with and she said, “My mom and dad.”  They followed that up with who her dad was and she said my coworker, who isn’t the biological father.

This morning he told us all of this.  Then an hour or so later some more news came.  He told us that his fiancée had been in an accident with that ex and told the authorities it was her who was driving when indeed it was her ex.  She did so to help the guy out.  Not sure if he was suspended or drunk or on drugs or what.  Turns out the insurance somehow sniffed this out and pressed charges and she was guilty of communications fraud or something.  This morning she went to sentencing.

They sentenced her to a year in jail.  They took her right then.  Game over for a year.  I shared this sad story with my wife over email.  Her response was, and I quote, “being a rescuer can get you into some trouble : / “  She nailed it right on the head and she actually kinda surprised me with her insight and how poignant it was.  Here is this girl, in a traumatic event (car crash), and she acts emotionally and thinks her rescuing is helping out the ex (“prick” according to my coworker).  When I say helping out it can also be presumed to mean hoping.  Hoping that by so doing she’d help the relationship get fixed (remember he’s a prick…).  Hoping she’d get validation for how good she is.  Hoping that this “selfless” act would bring her family together.

Though this lady may not be addicted in the traditional sense that people think, i.e. drugs, alcohol, porn, work, etc, she is co-dependently addicted and quite to her detriment and the detriment of her new fiancée and their kids they have together.  While this whole situation is unfortunate, I believe it would be safe to say that this wasn’t the first time this lady had ever decided to step in being a rescuer in this relationship.  I’ll also venture to say that this wasn’t the first time life-altering issues would arise from her rescuing mentality either.  Often this is the case with addicts.  I know, cause I am a recovering one.  This all reminds me of Samson.

Someone mentioned to me this last week about how they think Samson is the perfect illustration of an addict, i.e. someone who knows, on some level perhaps, what they’re doing could cause serious problems and yet they do it anyway.  Here is this guy whose life is being threatened by people trying to KILL him.  He KNOWS this as they had already tried multiple times to kill him.  Meanwhile his spouse was his temptation and was trying to figure out the key to take away his strength.  What a shady b by the way.  Low and behold Samson gives up his strength to his addiction of co-dependence, i.e. “If I tell my spouse my weakness, maybe she’ll love me/validate me like I’ve always wanted/needed.”  That ends up being his undoing.

            So reader beware.  Addiction/sin usually starts small and gets bigger.  Just ask any addict how they got started.  Now if you’re a co-dependent addict, quit it J.  Eventually your rescuing co-dependency could land you in jail for a year, while your 3 year old is out there growing/learning/experiencing life without you.  I warned you.